


We need to address mothers' mental health, wrote another. The matter had "gotten out of control," wrote one. It succeeded, though, in duping many of its readers, some of whom wrote in to say they agreed with at least the sentiment behind the judge's decision. The story, as you may have guessed, was satire (its origin, a comedy site called the Peoples News). No longer would they have to wonder in panic on the first day of school, "How do I pronounce Q'J'Q'Sha?" Now, if you're a black girl, you hope you get a name as sensible as one of those." Soon, according to the article, elementary school teachers were expressing relief. There was a time when Shaniqua and Tawanda were names you dreaded. "They put in apostrophes where none are needed," fumed the judge.

The judge, declaring that he was fed up with black children's "ridiculous names," apparently issued an order requiring black women to receive approval from three whites before naming their babies. Not long ago, a news item with the headline "Federal Judge: Enough With the Stupid Names" began to circulate in many people's inboxes. Such onomastic inventiveness has irked more than a few observers. Creative naming has reached every race and class, but "it is largely and profoundly the legacy of African-Americans," writes Eliza Dinwiddie-Boyd in her baby-naming book "Proud Heritage." Shalondra and Shaday, Jenneta and Jonelle, Michandra and Milika - in some parts of the country today, nearly a third of African-American girls are given a name belonging to no one else in the state (boys' names tend to be somewhat more conservative). You can safely bet that NBC's commentators practiced these a few more times in the mirror than the name "Michael Phelps." And, indeed, black Americans have spearheaded and continue to lead the trend of creative naming in this country, even if they haven't garnered as many headlines as Gwyneth Paltrow. It is the black names that disproportionately stand out: Tayshaun, Deron, Rau'shee, Raynell, Deontay, Taraje, Jozy, Kerron, Hyleas, Chaunte, Bershawn, Lashawn, Sanya, Trevell, Sheena, Ogonna, Dremiel. Take a quick glance down the Olympic roster. That African-Americans have a tendency to buck more common names is obvious. And nowhere is this more true than with the particular case of names given to African-Americans. But with creative names, as with all creative enterprises, there is wheat and there is chaff all too often, the former is cast aside with the latter. And a New Mexico court in June prevented a man from legally changing his name to "Fuck Censorship!" More recently, a New Zealand judge made the poor 9-year-old Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii a ward of the court, just so she could change her name. In some places, the severity of the names has provoked government action: In Venezuela, a 2007 bill tried to limit names to an approved list of 100, with the intent of putting an end to names like Hitler Adonys and Batman. Ridiculous names: Sure, we all joke about them, but they're real, and sometimes they're illegal.

Others born into the tiny victimized class of the celebrity baby have not been so lucky, and the wee Jolie-Pitts will surely be grateful if they ever share a sandbox with Freedom and Reignbeau, Ving Rhames' children, or Pilot Inspektor, Jason Lee's child, or Jermajesty, Jermaine Jackson's son. Considering they were born to a celebrity couple, namely Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, these little ones dodged a serious bullet. A twin brother and sister entered the world on July 12 and were bestowed these names: Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline.
